Clarity...I think

I finally saw a doctor yesterday for my insomnia. It's not something I really talk about because it's so intermittant that's it's almost not worth mentioning. My mom suffers from it too, but I think it's stress related.

My worst ever bout with it was last year when I was dieting down for a competition. I got very sick and could not run because my asthma plus a deep cough and a treadmill pretty much equal death. So I got some diet pills from a friend and took them for a few days.

I became a crazy person (a lot more so than usual, and my usual craziness is not real, mind you but can be attributed to my extreme goofiness). Those stupid pills caused me to shake all over, have heart palpitations, and made me stay awake at night in tears because I was SO tired and couldn't sleep and I was terrified that my heart was going to burst.

Yeah, that was loads of fun. I flushed the pills down the toilet and I never looked back. I wasn't able to compete, but I didn't die, so I still call it a win.

This most recent problem is anxiety/stress related. The nurse ran some tests, many seemingly unnecessary but whatever. Doctor's diagnosis? I'm disgustingly healthy and people should hate me. And I'm way too stressed/anxious/freaked out/(add your own) for my own good. He prescribed me some pills. Yay, more pills. And told me to remove stressful things from my life if I could.

I went to GNC and got some melatonin instead of filling the prescription. I'll fill it if the melatonin doesn't work. I slept for, oh, about 14 hours yesterday. Peaceful sleep. No stupid dreams, no stupid thoughts, no anxiety. I woke up for dinner and a movie and to check my email and then went back to bed.

This morning, I removed stressor #1 from my life. I did the unthinkable. I removed myself from the things in game (EQ2) that I was responsible for, sent a lovely mail saying goodbye, and uninstalled the game.

I'll probably play another RPG again in the future, but I can't say what yet. Right now, I'm knitting and working out and focusing on my real life. And probably watching a lot of movies.