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Friday, February 03, 2006

Ugh, February

Crazy Aunt Purl cracks my shit up.

She says:

February is funky.

You may think it's because we're in the doldrums of winter, or because February contains Valentine's Day (a.k.a. "the day when I can only assume the rest of the free world is getting lucky and I am watching a CSI re-run and eating microwave popcorn for dinner hate you hate you.") But it's really a planetary issue.

Listen, when Mercury is in Uranus (HAH HAH HAH) we all feel a little uncomfortable in our private parts. Lots of surprise communications. A full moon on the 13th, with Venus un-retrograding and Jupiter humping through the zodiac. Ya'll. There's just a lot going down in the stars for this, the Short Month To Crazy.

Advice to all signs: Chocolate goes great with red wine.

LIBRA (Sept. 23 - Oct. 23)
I'm so jealous! All the planets are lining up for Libras this month, first, there's Mars Moving into your Hot Mama house, and ya'll have a full moon in your Shiny Happy House and Venus is un-retrograding just in time to hang out in your house of Big Pimpin' ... now that's Astrology Gone Right. Go ahead and indulge in that post V-day red velvet heart full of chocolates. Feel smug. Your hard work last month is beginning to pay off, and the rewards are part of the goal!

I hope she's right (not that I believe in this stuff, ya know).

But I get the feeling she hasn't met this Libra yet.

I'll take the Shiny Happy House though...

And while I was at it, I looked up my Yearly Zodiac thing and found this:


January 31, 1976 to February 17, 1977 (fire - read: look the fuck out)

The Dragon is one of the most exotic and flamboyant of all Chinese astrological signs. Dragons are born leaders and masters of ceremonies. They are idealists, perfectionists, aggressive and determined. (some of that might be a little bit true)

A person born under the dragon is usually fashionable (er, does not giving a shit qualify as fashionable?) and can adapt to many different styles of life. Using their keen sense of imagination, Dragons are forever dreaming up fresh schemes and ideas for new adventures (which are mostly futile <- not my comment, but omg how true!). Unfortunately, they often drive their friends crazy with their "wild" schemes that usually lead to nowhere (can only comment on the driving people to want to choke me...yes, true).

On the good side however, Dragon-types are also surrounded by good fortune, which saves them from making major mistakes (that explains a lot). They are well suited to careers in the theatre, or any place that gives them a leading role (me? attention whore? never).

Although they have the potential for making lots of money, they spend it lavishly on their projects (*cough* yarn *cough*). Dragons are not well suited to growing old and losing power, they lose their temper easily (erm...yeah, no comment).
Women who are born under this sign are usually surrounded by admirers and very popular with the opposite sex. They are seldom disappointed in love.

I would know nothing about the last two statements.