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Saturday, April 01, 2006


April 1st. April Fool's Day. A day of elaborate practical jokes and general tomfoolery. Annually celebrated by me as the day I call my mom and tell her I'm pregnant. Some day I'm sure it will bite me in the ass. Such is karma. Assbiting. Dirty bitch.

This particular April 1st is different though. It is my half birthday. And I am 29.5. The last six months of the downhill slippery (gooey?) slope to 30. The last six months of my twenties. (Pause for dramatic sigh) Shall I mourn thee? Shall I compose gentle words of bittersweet sorrow? Um...sorry, I don't do poetry anymore. How about some cake? Pie? Cookies?

And does this mean I have to grow up? I asked that when I turned 22 also. And then I cried. Because I wasn't 21 anymore, and the next big birthday is...30. However, my 21st birthday was an incredibly fun occasion, and my 30th will be as well. Hell or high water, damn it. If you are with me, you WILL be having fun or I will douse you with something alcoholic and make you dance for me. Some of you might dig that. I certainly will. Whether or not you're clothed is by my choice at that moment.

I'm convincing myself that it's fine though. 30 is cool! 30 is rad! Did I just say rad? Oh my god, I'm so old. Hmm...if my twenties are any indication, my thirties should be a fucking blast.

Let's review shall we?

Actually, let's not. There are a lot of great things there, but there are some sad things too. No need to be bringing up old shit. Roughly translated: We'll do that another day, mkay?

On a lighter note:

You Are Miss Piggy

A total princess and diva, you're totally in charge - even if people don't know it.
You want to be loved, adored, and worshiped. And you won't settle for anything less.
You're going to be a total star, and you won't let any of the "little people" get in your way.
Just remember, piggy, never eat more than you can lift!

In conclusion, I'm a nearly old, demanding diva. I can accept that.

Now, where is that house boy? It's time for my feeding.