Swear to Shake it Up...

Hmm. I don't seem to have much to say lately. I keep waiting for my life to get interesting.

Guess I'm going to have to force it and make things exciting on my own pretty soon. I don't do stagnation. I also don't really do change, but I prefer it over drooling in my oatmeal every morning. If by some strange chance you think I'm interesting already, be glad you don't live inside this head. Shit. Is. Dull.

But, my mind is occupied with scary things. I like lists, so I made one. A list of those scary things, for you ADD folks who got lost already. You know who you are. Or do you?

1. Competing in July (there's a whole other blog for that, but sorry, it's private).

2. The thought of being pregnant (ok dreams, you may stop now, I'm still not interested, but the little girl you keep showing me is very pretty).

3. My in-fucking-sane sex drive. Ron Jeremy could not keep up with me, seriously. Not that I would want him to try. Eww.

4. This yarn porno. The busty nurse totally got the shaft. And I don't mean the fun way. In all porno realism, he'd have had her too. That's the way porn works. I'm just sayin. (Not actually scary, but on my mind nonetheless.)

5. Big mosquitoes. As big as my fist. In flocks. Hovering over my head as I run, waiting for me to have an asthma attack or my shoe to come untied so that I have to stop and they can swoop in and carry me off to somewhere icky and slimy. That's what I get for living in the swamp in south Georgia. Yay. Mosquitoes.

Hmm. I'm fairly disturbed by that short list, let's move on.

Well, here's something. Last month CAP said this for us loony-ass Libras:

Resist the temptation to get bitchy this month. Do not give into your inner horndog. Break out the halo and be on your best behavior, because someone is eyeing you closely for a leadership role, or a promotion, or some added responsibility you've been asking for. Maybe it's just that your character has come under scrutiny lately, and you don't want to give them fuel for the fire. (There has been a lot of chatter in your life, and almost none of it has been true or real.) Whatever the case may be, think angelically and picture yourself with wings. Libra, ya'll need to move from wild child to angel in 30 days or less! If Drew Barrymore could do it, so can you.

I can't, I won't and I didn't, in no particular order. There are no wings, but I did get a 69 cent halo, is that good enough? (Shaddup.)

For April, CAP says:

Your month is going to really suck. I mean, ya'll, seriously. Just go home right now and start eating the ice cream. Do they make wine ice cream? Oh Libra... ya'll! I'm just kidding! Truth is, this was a learning experience. See? Any old Joe can give you some wrong advice. You might want to re-consider who you're taking prophecies from these days. After all, the last psychic I visited told me I'd be doing charity work involving water... which, had I followed her advice, would put me wading upstream while begging for money for other people. Not a pretty vision, eh? This is a good time to be careful whose advice you heed. You don't want to end up the proverbial creek because of someone's off-the-cuff armchair mentoring this month, no matter how well-intentioned it may be.

And she tags this onto Cancer's (yes I read them all): Maybe all our old fears will get bored in the waiting room of April and go haunt someone else, like the Libras for a change.

So, I'm going to be paralyzed with fear (see above list, again if necessary), and I shouldn't take advice from anyone. Yay. Fending for myself. I can do that. Just keep the mosquitoes away from me and I can do that. Really. It's not my preference, mind you. I PREFER to be loved, adored, and protected from such things, being a diva and all, but alas. As with most everything, I'll be doing it myself. (Shaddup.)

Maybe someday I'll be just like Ferris. "Oh, he's very popular Ed. The sportos, the motorheads, geeks, sluts, bloods, waistoids, dweebies, dickheads - they all adore him. They think he's a righteous dude."

A girl can dream.