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Friday, March 24, 2006

Tammy Faye stole my grocery money

I am the debt slayer. Bow before me, my minions.

A few months ago I consolidated all my credit card debt to one account but left my cards open until all the balances got paid. Then I decided to buy junk. With those credit cards having zero balances. Stuff like plane tickets, hotel rooms, and shoes (they were important things! I swear!). Oops.

However, the checks are in the mail (seriously) and all balances are returning to zero post haste. Accounts are being closed asap. And now my checkbook says OOOWW. Surely I can live on $100 till payday right?

All of this to lessen my 'potential debt' as viewed by mortgage type folk so I can buy a house. My 'potential debt' (and I use quotes because, really, I would never ever max out all my credit, jeez) is around $25k. Credit card companies like me, ya'll. Actual debt is more than $8k, but less than $10k, if you don't count my car (please don't count my car). I *should* have closed all these accounts months ago, but I digress.

What's foremost on my mind is my rent (hence the twitching for a house). I'm tired of neighbors who stomp like no one lives below them and scream at each other at all hours. Mostly the "oh god" variety of screams, but that's a bit disturbing to my psychological health (I have an astonishingly active imagination, and I don't need any help fueling it, thanks. I also have a photographic memory, but that's a topic for another day.) and is not exactly my preferred method of being awoken at 3 am, if you gather my meaning.

Where was I? Oh yeah, rent. Sorry, distracted myself with the neighbors Whew. Ok, really, RENT! Our complex got bought last month and the first thing they did was raise the rent. As of April 1, it is a full $200 more per month than it was when we moved here two years ago. $200 in two years in this area is a LOT people. And when I went to pick up a package today (yarn, no doubt), I discovered that Tammy Faye (I swear, it has to be her!) is now working the front desk. And driving a shiny new Cadillac. Ah, so THAT'S where my extra cash is going.

They try to call their demand for more cash 'staying competitive in the market'. Ya'll, I worked in the property management biz for a long time, and on that side of the fence, it's called 'bullshit'. It is also often referred to as 'we just paid 2 million more than this place is worth, and it's coming out of your ass, beotch, now fork it over'. So don't send me your grammatically incorrect letter informing me that my rent is going up AGAIN so you can pay for the new golf cart and your Caddy, Tammy Faye, and then smile at me and say how much you enjoy me being a resident. Of course you enjoy me. I paid your mortgage this month for your posh house on the island. Keep your plastic smile, face lift, eight inches of makeup and AquaNet hair (circa 1983) on that side of the desk and use fucking spell check next time you send out a letter to EVERY resident in the joint. Seriously. It's not that hard.

(Tiny disclaimer: I don't regularly lay into someone like that because I don't usually care that much. However. This woman is That. Fucking. Obnoxious. And my rent just went up. Again.)

But I'm letting it go, because I'm buying a house, damn it. And because I have better, more entertaining things to share.

I'm marinating in My Chemical Romance this week, particularly Thanks for the Venom. Such a fun song, with a 'throw all your shit at me, I can take it, but I might not give a damn' vibe. I even bought the CD, which is not something I usually do.

I like such a wide variety of music though, that I'll be over them by April. Or not. I can never tell.

I was also reminded recently of the most wonderful song by the late great Athens band Dreams So Real, who I happen to love. Click on "Melanie" (of course!) and listen with rapturous joy. Probably requires RealPlayer, but I know not how those things work, oops. This song is totally about me (don't believe that).

DSR should have been huge. Just like Dayroom. Sad, really.

See? Way more fun than that bitch Tammy Faye. I'm gonna go let the air out of her tires for shits and giggles. Muahahaha.