incoming: long post

i feel like i've been away forever, and i have a ton to talk about! so i'm just going to spill it and not edit, cause really, who has time?

when i'm not reading for classes, writing papers (although my writing here constitutes far more than i've written on my paper due next week...oops), or working and being stressed about work, i'm doing a lot of thinking.

thinking about everything. my finances and paying off my sizeable debt; my student teaching next year, which is not a paid gig; my current job situation and how to rectify it; how to shave off 15 lbs; how to focus on class better and think more critically about what i'm learning and what it means (cause it matters for my dissertation); how to keep my marriage from imploding thanks to all the stress i'm under; how to fit in time to knit and work out and run errands and afford to eat...want more?

in thinking about all my thinking (metacognitive much?), i'm realizing that if i don't put some organization and order into all the things manifesting themselves right now, i could easily quit my job, leave school, and find myself naked in the street insisting that the light poles are lying sons of bitches. so, i'm seeking balance, structure, contentedness, sanity, and far less stressful environments. the libra in me demands serenity now!

so i've added a few blogs to my bloglines account: zen habits and ririan project. they are both inspiring me to get things done, focus intently, and most importantly...breathe. i hear this breathing thing is good. gonna keep doing it.

to get better organized i've been reading Getting Things Done vicariously through nate (can you read vicariously?), and i'm trying out a system called tracks, which is based on the GTD system. so far i find it very useful not to have all these things on my brain, but rather stored somewhere that i can come back to them later and focus on what needs to be done right this moment. doesn't keep me from being distracted by the hot & spicy cheezits calling my name, but that's another problem altogether.

i also picked up you: on a diet. honestly, i never would have read this book if it weren't for laurie's recommendation. and what an awesome book it is, once you get past the silly similes and metaphors. it provides incredible insight into how our bodies work, in lay terms, so that we can really get a good idea of how our food affects us. and the chapters about the psychology behind 'going on a diet' is so dead on for me. i'm definitely an all-or-nothing kind of girl, so when i sabatoge a diet it is dead to me, in a mafia sort of way. but i'm really starting to embody the u-turn idea, so that when i make a mistake, it's no big, and i'll just eat an apple and call it even. me and apples are going to be bff, ya'll. i also love the idea about automating meals. i love oatmeal with some walnuts, half a banana and maple syrup, so that's been my breakfast for the last few days. yum. i'm also walking every day too. i'm up to 40 miles on my trek to 100 by april 1. i feel behind for about two weeks, but i'm picking up the slack now. i average two miles a day, so i'm not worried about making the goal.

i introduced my mom to the book as well, and ya'll...i'm soooo proud of her. she's always struggled with her weight and never done well with diets, and this book has made such a huge difference for her. just understanding why she has high blood pressure and what it's doing to her body has completely changed her way of thinking, and she's eating better than she ever has. i got all weepy in the grocery store while talking to her on the phone about it. it means so much to me for her to succeed, because my 'why' for working hard and dieting has always been 'i don't want to look like my mom'. i know that's kinda sad, but it's true.

and in honor of her success (i hope she lets me post before and after pics, cause she's rocking the hell out of this 'no diet' thing), i'm bringing sexy back. next week i'm cancelling my gym membership, since it's too far away now, and buying a weight rack and a bench to add some definition to this formerly hot frame. i have had literally zero interest in sex for at least the last two months (longer to be really honest, and that is a scary amount of time for this formerly sex-crazed chick), and i realized today that it's because i don't think i'm sexy anymore. and that's a damn damn shame. so i'm going to put in some work and get my groove back. and it will be awesome stress relief from all this other crap.

wow, that was a lot of typing. if you made it this far, bless your heart, you deserve a lie down. and now, back to my paper and being scholarly and junk.

love, peace and harmony.