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Thursday, December 14, 2006

We interrupt this blog for a hostile takeover.

Sorry to disappoint Mel's meager little readership, but she's currently indisposed and won't be writing any time soon. She's asked me to check in and do some updating for her, and I've gained creative license to blab all her dirty little secrets, or whatever I might decide to make up. Oh, and hi! I'm Stacy, longtime friend and chief secret-keeper.

I've also posted all the yarn she wanted to sell over at the Destash blog. If you like yarn, and I bet most of you do, go take a peek. The girl is not halting her knitting processes, but she is now on the verge of broke, what with the house buying and all, and wants to buy more yarn so she's selling stash that she won't be using. There's a lot up for sale. I think she might have some sort of yarn-buying disorder. Ya'll should make sure she's not sick or something. She's also real bad about making everyone around her learn to knit. She tried to teach me in March when we went to NYC, but it didn't really stick.

So, I bet you guys would just love some little secrets about our dear Mel. Let's see. In high school our girl was a bit of an overachiever. I think she graduated with a 4.2 or something close if I remember right. But she wasn't valedictorian. That prize went to her insanely bitchy ex-friend Melissa, who was not near as smart but she definitely worked hard I guess. Melissa showed her true colors when Mel got married the first time. Melissa was the maid-of-honor and threw an all out temper tantrum when Mel wanted to have actual living, breathing fun for her bachelorette party. She quit the wedding and I don't think they ever spoke again. In the meantime, I took her to an awesome male revue and we drooled over penises all night. Can I say penises here? Oh well.

In college, Mel's nicknames ran the gamut from Daley to Habib and Blueberry Muffin. One of her roommates gave her the Habib name when they were at a bar and she danced on a table to some song. Not long after that Mel did a little exotic dancing for real. I think her drinking had finally made her broke. She worked at the college during the day between classes and danced at night. And I'm not a lesbian or anything, but damn she could work it! And she has no shame whatsoever. All her roommates and everyone from her day job would come to see her. Ok I'm going to shut up about all that. Sorry Mel, don't kill me!

Oh yeah! The real reason I'm blogging for her is because she's moving into her house this week. It's really cute! But I'm pretty sure after this I won't be invited into the house or even to blog for her again. I'm sure she says hi to all you imaginary people. If you have her number, don't call or she might drop heavy furniture to answer. She's crazy like that.

Ok, now to find a way to dig myself out of this hole I've just created. Hey Mel, at least I didn't tell them about the pinata bashing, and that time you got married on your lunch hour!